


Tomorrow's Chip Wrappings

by persistent_pedantry



Series: The Escapades of Minerva and R [17]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:54:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22989664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/persistent_pedantry/pseuds/persistent_pedantry
Summary: René and Minerva agree to an interview. Glamorous.
Series: The Escapades of Minerva and R [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1483421





	1. The Interview

**Author's Note:**

> This one was pretty much just in an effort to write something longer than the 1,000-word vignettes I do. I also did a little QnA for anyone who wanted to know stuff about my characters. I had a few and those are the questions you see in the piece.

There are both good and bad qualities to see from sitting in this nameless journalist’s suburban-esque living room, with a pot of tea and biscuits between them. The good things are that she clearly doesn’t work for a tabloid, Minerva can’t pick up any other auras so it’s just them and no SWAT, and the journalist is actually professional-looking, contrary to René’s scepticism. The simple fact that she was able to contact him was admirable enough.

The bad things are chiefly that neither he nor Minerva likes tea, but the biscuits are a nice touch.

“You don’t mind if I recorded this interview by word processor, do you?” She asks, earning a small ‘Be my guest’ gesture from René. Smiling appreciatively, the journalist taking a small device from the table. “Feel free to have some tea and biscuits, if either of you like.”

“I don’t drink tea. I’ve never seen Minerva drink it, except green tea,” René says, glancing to his compatriot sitting beside him. “You drank it for a little while, remember? It was a health phase of sorts.”

A brief pause.

“Ah. Yes, I did that with nectarines,” he says, seemingly replying to Minerva, though the journalist heard nothing.

“Sorry, Miss Minerva, but are you able to speak with me in the same fashion, or maybe vocally? I can’t hear anything you’re saying,” the journalist asks.

“She can, but it requires personal contact. We've been together for several years now, so it’s much easier for us,” René explains.

“Not really,” Minerva says, the journalist jolting slightly in surprise. “I can do it as long as we’re in proximity, especially since we’re in pretty calm surroundings. With René, we can communicate as long as we’re in theoretical eyeshot, pretty much.”

Her curiosity obviously piqued, the journalist nods, typing away. “Understood. Thank you, Miss Minerva.” The journalist says, shifting in her seat slightly as she begins typing on the device. It’s quite small, much like a phone; perhaps it’s a phone that focuses only on typing. “Now, René, you mentioned that you and Minerva have been ‘together’ for a while now. There has been a lot of chatter about possible relations between you two; are you two in relationship?” She asks, looking to the both of them.

René stares at the interviewer, clearly disgruntled; Minerva seems more amused than anything. “While we are criminals, Poképhilia is ethically questionable past our morals — past mine, anyway.”

“Hey, I met this really hot chick in Ilex Forest this one time. I can make exceptions,” Minerva says, shrugging.

The journalist nods, shrinking slightly as she types down the answer. “Thank you. Sorry, but there have been a few submissions from readers, and they’re interested in romance, as most are, so sorry about that.”

Taking a moment to compose himself, René clasps his hands, nodding permissively. “Understandable, I suppose.”

“Minerva, you mentioned an attractive woman, so that links quite well to our next question — or genre, rather. Are either of you...” She clears her throat, typing a few more words on her device. “Are either of you gay, or perhaps bisexual?”

“Gay as a diamond-studded rainbow,” Minerva answers. “If I showed any interest to guys... ugh.” She laughs dryly, resting back in her seat.

“There’s a concernedly large amount of men interested in Gardevoir,” René says, nodding with a mix of concern and confusion. “I’m not gay, personally. As far as I’m aware, any homosexuality in me has been absorbed by the sheer volume of Minerva’s libido.”

Minerva simply grins. She’s denying nothing.

Smiling at the humour of the situation, the journalist nods, typing away. “Of course. Alright, now Minerva, as it’s very evident, you’re a sapient Gardevoir,” she says, looking at her. “There are very few Pokémon in this world capable of fully coherent speech with humans. You exhibit a very clear personality and you can make choices of your own accord, to state the obvious. Do you know how you came about this level of intelligence? Scientific process, genetic mutation, divine providence?”

“I don’t know, but I have a theory or two,” Minerva says, resting a hand on her chin with her elbow against her chair’s arm. “Me and René—“

“René and I,” René corrects, glancing at her. “If it’s grammatically correct without the second party, then use that.”

“René and I - thank you, René,” Minerva replies, rolling her eyes overtly, “Met a pretty long time ago, back when I was a Ralts. I’d say that was about... what, twenty years ago or so? I honestly couldn’t tell you. So yeah, after a while, I kinda figured out how he thinks and as soon as you can think like someone as well as you can think like yourself, the psychic link is basically as solid as it can be. It takes a while.”

“Most Psychic Pokémon are able to understand human speech by the psychic inference but are unable to understand the separate meanings of the words. It’s like learning a new language past that, which is why most of the other sapient Pokémon out there are Alakazam. It’s a tricky business and it’s not something either of us fully understand,” René explains with Minerva nodding in agreement.

Having to take few moments to process the information, the journalist types down a few sentences. “So, in layman’s terms, it’s like learning a new language as long as the initial understanding that it’s a language is there.”

“Pretty much,” Minerva says, nodding. “So, to the next question: if we were to change someone in any way, who would it be and why.”

The journalist looks at Minerva in part disbelief, part annoyance. The look fades in a chaste nod. “It is. Though, I would prefer if you wouldn’t read my mind.”

“I didn’t. You don’t listen to a broadcast, it’s just shouting so loud that you can’t help but hear it. You’re excited as hell for this one,” Minerva says, curling up on the armchair like a contented cat.

“It is a very interesting one. Though, it’s one that has a very simple answer,” René agrees, garnering an interested look from the journalist. “I believe in functionalism, even if it’s a bit of an outdated ideology. Do you know about it?”

“It’s a sociological theory, yes. It’s the idea that everyone, from the holiest priest to the most vicious killer, has an important part in society. Removing something like crime from the world would cause everyone to be saturated by their own safety and no longer think for themselves,” the journalist says, evidently knowledgable about the subject.

“The first part, yes; the second part is Huxleyan. Everyone has their part in society, so changing anyone in any fashion could have a serious change in society and, perhaps, the world,” René explains “I suppose it dips into the Butterfly Effect, there.”

“Why’re you two talking about philosophy and stuff? Seriously,” Minerva groans, crossing her arms surlily. “We’re not here to talk about sociology and stuff. Look, basically, we just think that everyone is on this world how they are for a reason, and if they’re not, then natural selection’ll sort them out...” She trails off, looking away in thought. “Actually, though, if I could change anything without any reciprocations, I’d probably bring my mother back. Can’t remember her too well, but it’d be nice to talk to her, show her how I’ve... eh...” Trailing off again, Minerva shifts in her seat, frowning. “Scratch that. I’d just make Victoria Williams a lesbian or something.”

The journalist says nothing for nearly a minute, typing intensely. “I see... well, as your mother seems to be a sensitive topic, I won’t probe, unless you prefer to talk about her?” She says, looking at Minerva with clear interest.

“I don’t, no,” comes a reply, Minerva’s careless demeanour faltering briefly. “Are we done? Can we be done? I feel like we’ve already answered loads of questions.”

“Of course, of course. Don’t worry, there’s only one left,” the journalist replies, smiling assuredly as she shifts to face René. “R.”

“Yes,” he replies, crossing his arms loosely as he rests back in the chair. “If it’s about my family, I will be very disappointed in you.”

“No, don’t worry, it’s not,” she says, her smile still glowing with encouragement. “It’s about your origins, so to speak. Why did you choose to become a Hunter, R?“

“Money. I like money,” René replies simply. “Sarcasm aside, I chose to become a Hunter because, at first, I did just want money. However, as time went on, I learned about functionalism and began to follow that ideology: the world needs criminals, and given how Hunters are a major part of organized crime — well, what’s better: organized crime or murderous, impulsive rapists and nobodies?”

“I do it because he does it,” Minerva adds, lazily pointing to René. “It’s also fun. Battles just have such higher stakes like this.”

The journalist simply hums in response, typing down what should be her last notes. “Well... that should be everything,” she says, putting the processor away in her pocket. She stands up, offering a hand to the grimly dressed Hunter, who rises to take it in a firm handshake. “It’s been a privilege, R,” she says cordially.

“Likewise,” he replies as she lets go, offer her hand to Minerva. “Don’t—“

Minerva slaps her hand in some semblance of a high five, followed by an equally poor fist bump. “Later, foo’.”

“Minerva,” René warns.

“Later, foo’,” she repeats. Leaving the journalist in a strange state of humour, understanding, and utter confusion, Minerva takes René’s hand, and they both flicker, disappearing into nothing.

About a minute passes. The journalist sits down, clearing her throat quietly as she takes her processor out again. Those two were like some sort of father and daughter, just... well, criminals.


	2. The Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The result of the interview. It just seemed a little weird to write about a newspaper article and not write one.

#  **𝔍𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔫𝔞𝔩 𝔡𝔢 𝔏𝔲𝔪𝔦𝔬𝔰𝔢**

* * *

# Entretien spécial avec les Chasseurs R et Minerva

**By Amélie Laurent**

**Translated by S. Chegg**

Last Sunday, I was fortunate to secure an interview with the famed Pokémon Hunter ‘R’ and his partner, Minerva. While intimidating, ‘R’ himself was polite and unless you knew, you might not say he was even a renowned criminal. His partner, Minerva, was much unlike what one would expect from a sapient Gardevoir: sarcastic, exuberant, but surprisingly cynical.

With niceties aside, I asked what questions I could within the timeframe, and they offer quite the insight towards the thoughts and history towards two of Kalos’ most wily Pokémon Hunters.

**R, Minerva, what could you call your relationship? Romantic, professional?**

R said that while he and Minerva are criminals, some things surpass even their moral standards. Minerva, on the other hand, said that she could make exceptions with some, such as an attractive woman she’d previously met in Ilex Forest.

**Are either of you interested in the same sex, or perhaps both sexes?**

R was insistent that he isn’t and that his partner allegedly absorbed what homosexual urges might have once been in him, which could raise questions for the effect of Psychic-types on sexuality. Minerva, fittingly, proclaimed that she was as ‘gay as a diamond studded rainbow’, also showing a fervent dislike towards males, romantically speaking.

**Minerva, how did you become intelligent to such a degree?**

Neither R nor Minerva had any real idea towards how Minerva grew to be capable of speech and human behaviour. However, due to the apparent time they had spent together (several years, allegedly since R was very young), the psychic link between R and Minerva has grown to its greatest possible strength. There were also remarks towards how some types of Pokémon can understand human speech to some extent but it’s much like learning a new language.

**If you were to change anyone in any way, who would it be and why?**

This was a very interesting one, as R made it clear that he and Minerva believed in functionalism, a sociological theory that everyone in society has a purpose, be they a criminal or a member of the government. R decided that he wouldn’t want to change anything or anyone, while Minerva had ideas of her own; she made a remark towards her mother, then trailed off. Afterwards, she made a dismissive correction to want model Victoria Williams to be a lesbian. However, the change of subject had me curious to Minerva’s childhood, but I thought it best to not probe further.

The interview concluded with a handshake and high five from R and Minerva respectively, cementing the curious relationship the two have. R appears to be much like a strict father to Minerva; Minerva, a quirky but rebellious teenager. While I was honoured to stage an interview with them, I look forward to having a second interview in the future.


End file.
